Actor: Channel Changing 3 times with static.

Hogans Hero’s Theme.

Channel Changing 4 times with static.

Jetson’s theme song

Channel Changing with static.

Chariots of the Gods theme.

David: Merde...

Channel Changing with static twice.

Walton’s theme ends.

JOHN-BOY: We all have a dream of the future when we are young, one that we strive to reach and, eventually, even obtain. My dream on Walton's Mountain was to be taken seriously as a -

Klink: Hoooooogaaaaaan!

(laughter)

John-Boy: Deep down in my soul, why I knew that if I worked hard enough, and studied, I would realize my dream.

Erich: Throughout the world, people have fables, legends, and even religions which centre around visits from foreign astronauts. Of course they don't call them astronauts, but gods, who came to earth in miraculous sky vehicles.

John Boy: I was growing apart from my family. Mama. Grandma. Jim-Bob. Elroy.

OLIVIA: Not too many, Grandma. We're having chicken and dumplings for supper.

OLIVIA: (sighing) John-Boy? Don't you even say hello anymore? Your grandma baked some peanut butter cookies.

JOHN BOY: I can't, Mama. I have exams. I'd like to study until supper's ready.

Olivia: John Boy, I swear.

OLIVIA: (sighing) Jim-Bob, watch your language. How'd you do on that spelling test?

ELROY: Yeah. That's because he stayed up last night and wrote a love letter to Becky Lewis instead of studying his words.

OLIVIA: (sighing) Elroy, say you're sorry.

Erik: … the Mahabarata, an 80 000 verse epic poem that is 6000 years old, offers stupefying evidence of Gods come to earth… the poems speak repeatedly of Vimahnus - vehicles which fly to great heights by means of mercury and powerful upward wind currents.

Klink: Schultz! Office!

Schultz: Ya, Colonel Klink!

Klink: Sargeant Schultz, Vere is Prisoner #70437!?

Schultz: I know Nusink!

Announcer: We'll return to the CBC premiere of the award winning documentary, Chariots of the Gods after this.

Hamel: Donya tink it's pretty shockin to come walkin right outta my Tee Vee set der, during da Waltons? I mean, I din even know dat Jim-Bob had a ting for Becky Lewis til right now, eh.

Hamel: Me? Why me?

A: You have been chosen because of what you have done.

Hamel: What have I done?

NEWSREEL: It’s bad news for Hitler as thousands of fresh faced Canadian boys are joining the fight in Europe. Air strikes and ground combat have brought Gerry to the brink of defeat, and these bright young Canadian fellas are happy to finally be part of the fray. This is young David Hamel of Les Fusilier 2nd Division of French Canadian soldiers, who are fighting to liberate the good people of France from Nazi Oppression.

David: I hem...'appee...to... ... ‘elp... de... war.

Reporter: Where are you from, son?

David: Richmond, Quebec.

Reporter: How old are you, son?

David: Uh... sideen?

JUDGE: Too young, denied.

David: Uh...sevedeen?

JUDGE: Too young, denied.

David: Uh...eighdeen?

JUDGE: Happy birthday, son, welcome to the Canadian Armed Forces, here’s a gun.

NEWSREEL: against enthusiastic young lads like this, 'ol gerry doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell!

Airman: You look like hell. Holy Macinaw (looks at tags) Hamel, cheer up. War's almost over. Where are you from?

David: Quebec, Canada. I was ... prisoner ... at Falaise.

Airman: Falaise? Holy mackinaw, we picked you up in Yugoslavia, you’re flying to Brussels for de-lousing. What is a French Canadian doing so far east?

David: It ... long story.

NEWSREEL: 1942! our brave boys fight on towards Falaise in France! liberation is at hand!

Chapardos: Hamel! On approche trop vit! (oh n'approsh tdrow veat) We are advancing too fast.

David: Chapardos! Continuez! (Kontsinyoueh) Keep moving.

NEWSREEL: Side by side, these young soldiers march confidently into Axis occupied France.

Chapardos: Hamel! Attendez, c'est trop vite! (ahtawnday, say tdrow veat) We are advancing too fast

David: Quoi? ( kwah?) What?

Chapardos: On s'approch tro-

David: Chapardos

David: Merde.

German: Mein Gott.

NEWSREEL: Proudly, the Canadian Armed forces stand face to face with Gerry, armed with the finest Weaponry the free-market industrial war machine can provide: The Bren Automatic Machine gun!

David: Click, click. Uh oh.

Newsreel: At 120 shots per minute, Gerry is going to need to be pretty fast to outrun the Bren! Way to go Canada!

David: (kind of under his breath, smiling, nervous) My God, we look too much like each udder; how can we kill each udder, eh? But I am going to kill you.

David: Oh, tank god, mes ami, we got out...

Guard (german) Stop talking! Keep moving!

David: Oh damn.

Doctor: Your X-Rays reveal a foreign object lodged between L4 and L5, the fourth & fifth left vertebrae. The other shot apparently passed through your chest and back, barely missing several vital organs and scarring your lung.

David: So why don’t I get my damn Veteran’s Benefits?!??

David: I got fucking bullet in my back! Are you telling me I shot myself in de back after de war? Twice? And where’s my goddamn medal!?

Brit: Listen, mate, calm down... this camp is home to three hundred prisoners until the bloody war ends. You've been laid up in the bloody infirmiry for six weeks, mate. Relax, it could be worse, you could be a jew. Gerry promises to shoot twelve men for every escape, and I believe him, so don’t you kip off and make waves. You stay a good boy.

David: But it is a soldier’s...duty to try to escape.

Brit: Don’t be stupid, mate. In here, the Slavics are fighting the Slavics, the Reds are fighting the Reds, and only we Brits and you frogs are civilized enough to keep the peace.

David: You are ...fraternizing... you English cowards.

Brit: Resist if you must, mate...

Brit: They'll only make you work.

Brit: You will work with the other trouble makers, removing the dead from nearby villages and burying them in the country. Don’t try anything funny.

David: Dese udder prisoners, dey have lost der hope, dey will never escape. Dey are coming to de camp at the end of de day wit dere heads down, like defeated men, but I am observing always, keeping my eyes open, remembering de design of de prison, looking for my escape, and den, one day, I see it...

Klink: SCHULTZ!! OFFICE!

David: (laughing) De window der is covered wit only tree strips of barbed wire, and dey are nailed right to de window frame. Stupid sons of bitches. Tinking I am too defeated to see der trick...

Newsreel: Jerry might think he's captured our boys, but don't you believe it! These fighting French Canadians will try anything to get home to Mom and her sweet Canadian Maple Syrup.

David: I am scratching at de nails around de inside of de window, every night slowly making de nails loose wit a string, until...

David: I take de clothing off a corpse so that I can be warm, and I am removing the nails, and I am gathering up de last of de food I have hidden, and I am squeezing troo de hole in de wall, den I am putting de window back, and...

Brit: Jerry's promised to shoot twelve men for every escape so don't fuck off and make waves.

David: Out of de frying pan an into...

NEWSREEL: The firebombing of Dresden! Take that, Gerry!

NEWSREEL: Here we see the Allies shovel bombs out of the back of a Boeing B-52 Bomber. Look up, Jerry, enjoy a taste of our Allied spunk!

Klink: Schultz!

Schultz: (funny enterance, funny nazi salute) Ya, Colonel Klink!

Klink: Sargeant Schultz, Vere is Prisoner #70437!?

Schultz: I know Nusink!

Klink: (picks up window) Vat is de deal vis dis?!

Schultz: I see Nusink!

Klink: Zee Barbed wire is fastend to zee frame! Idiot! Dumkopf!

Klink: Hoooooooggaaaaaaaan!

David: I am free.

David: I see a horse.

David: Hey you, horse! I need your blanket.

David: I am hungry.

David: I feel in de darkness.

David: I eat from a garden.

David: I move by night.

David: I am circling on de outskirts of Dresden.

David: The city is burning.

David: A library is on fire.

David: I see de arms of children burned alive trying to punch holes in de window screens.

David: I look up to see de Allied planes, I watch wave after wave of dem, I can see dogfights and someting else... troo de fighting, way way up in de sky. What is dat?

EmCee: (at podium in light of projector): Good afternoon, believers.

David: What da 'ell is dat?

EmCee: Good afternoon and welcome to the Mesa, Arizona UFO and New Age Expo.

David: Is dat some kinda plane? What is dat?

EmCee: The board of the Expo has assembled what I believe is our finest group of speakers ever -

David: (moving towards audience) Wha de ... dat is de strangest ... wha de ell...

Heckler: (as if out of audience) oh, come on! you're telling us that a first generation federation starship is up against a fifth generation klingon bird of prey with full photons and disrupter beams, and you win by reconfiguring your shields with the trager waves from a wormhole?! how conveeenient!

MICHAEL DORN: Well, that's more the writer's job than mine. I just played Worf, but as I'm out of time, I will tell you that I'm appearing in an ABC Movie of the Week in September, … oh, and I have a hip hop album out, called Klingon This… on Shaggy Bitch Records. Next up is a controversial author - Robert Morning Sky ... what's that, excuse me? ... uh, the author, Robert Morning Sky, who has some interesting and as I said controvers.… What? I'm sorry? But it says right here.... Well, I'll leave it to your … host … to sort this out... introduce who? Well… here's Mr Morningsky now… Uh… Robert Morning Sky …

David: I never seen no lights like dat.

Robert Mourning Sky: I am a nobody. I have nothing to lose by presenting you with a simple man’s research and a simple man’s conclusions.

David: How many lights is dat? Four?

EmCee: (trying to take control) I'm sorry. There has been some confusion. We are ... pre-empting Mr. Morning Sky's talk, in order to -

David: What are dey doin, doze four lights?

Morning Sky: I realize that my theories on UFO’s and Extra-terrestrials may conflict greatly with what some of you at this Expo want to believe, but I was invited to your conference and I request that I be allowed to finish my presentation.

David: Dose lights are juss ... sittin up der.

EmCee: Please, Robert. I explained this to you by e-mail. The board made the extremely difficult decision to cancel your presentation because of all the recent controversy. We’ve booked another speaker.

Robert; What? My statements suggesting that UFO sightings during and since World War II may actually be actually test flights of stealth technology?

EmCee: That is absolutely false. One hundred percent untrue. Don't listen, believers.

Robert: Why do the UFO and New Age communities blindly reject the claims of every speaker who appears in public forums to deny the existence of UFOs? Clearly, you do not seek the truth…you seek confirmation.

David: What're you doing up der? Who are you watching?

EmCee: Mr. Morning Sky, if that is your real name, this is a serious debate on the intentions of extraterrestrial visitors,

David: Dose ain't no normal airplanes…

EmCee: (breaking down) Robert, we will not tolerate your ludicrous terrestrial explanations for phenomena which are obviously caused by feminine-type aliens who create crop circles and mutilate cattle and abduct humans in order to probe our collective anii! You are banned from this UFO conference! Banned, I say. (struggling) You clearly are participating in the cover-up, mister.

Robert: For members of a community to proclaim themselves as ‘Seekers of Truth’, only to silence and orostracize their critics, clearly indicates that they themselves are guilty of a ‘Cover-Up’. All right, I'm going!

David: De generals must have some secret airplane, eh.

EmCee: (falling apart) I’m so so sorry everyone. (takes a moment, pulls it precariously together) Up next we have Mr. Pierre Sinclaire, a Canadian engineer who has some very interesting news about a 77 year old magnetics whiz who lives in Ontario, and is known as the Granite Man... let’s have a hand for him, Pierre Sinclaire...(leaves broken).

Pierre: (Soft spoken l Thank you. It's hot here in Arizona.

HECKLER: HEY! BRING BACK MORNING SKY! GET OFF THE STAGE!

Pierre: Uh, I am, uh, here to speak about a quite remarkable man. David Hamel was born on May 14, 1924 in Rosemont, Quebec. He left home at age 14, and tried for three years before finally joining the Army. During World World II, he was captured in france, escaped from a POW camp in Germany, was flown to Brussels for delousing aboard a twin engined plane supplied by the US Embassy...

David: And den dese lights, before dey disappear... dey move into da shape of a (makes it with his fingers)

NEWSREEL: With his evil network of satanic supply trains, Jerry transports tanks and wooden logs to the front lines against our sister Allie, Russia.

Airman: Holy Macki-fuckin-naw!

David: Uh huh... I make... hammock out of ...blanket ...

Airman: You lived in a hand made hammock under a moving German train for two weeks?!

David: Oui.

Airman: And the train was strafed by Allied airplanes?

Airman: They blew up two cars on the train you were under?!?

David: Oui. Den dere was dis dog... a little....snorting...general's dog!

Dog: Snor snar snar snar.

David: (French whispering) Go away!

Dog: Snor snar snar snar.

David: (French whispering) Please! Go away! Silent Arrrgh!

Dog: Snor snar snar snar. BITE.

David: (under breath) You’d bet dat hurt! But I did not scream. I did not say, "Oh Gestapo, here’s your little dog!" I squeezed the nose of dis dog until he (relief) let go and ran off.

Dog: Snor snar snar (off)

German: Come here, Eva, you little mutt. Where did you get off to? Come here. You’re a little monkey, yes you are, yes you are.

Airman: Holy Maci-

RC1: Naw, he’s just a crazy old fart, eh. I seen no contraption in his yard. He said it flew away. It's just crazy.

David: It was den dat I crawled out from under da train and fell in with da Yugoslavian Guerilla Underground, hiding out in a sewer! So den I tell dem dat da train is stopped next to dese big oil danks dat are da fuel supply for de endire easdern front, eh, but dey say "our guns can’t shoot da far," and I say "No problem," and I sneak back to my hammock on da train, and I get a candle I had made out of some butter and cloth, and I run out in de middle of a gunfight and I use da candle like a flare, and I signal to a plane using de Morse Code SOS, dot dot dot - dash dash dash - dot dot dot, about a hundred times, eh, before dey seen it, and I burn my goddamn hand on one of da dots or dashes, i don know which one, eh, and den da planes drop dese signal flares, and dey light up da whole area, so dey can blow up de oil tanks and den dey shoot at da train wit de tanks and de logs on it, den some logs fell on me, but I was pulled out from under dem by a Yugoslavian doctor who took me into da village, and da people were very happy dat I was de one who signalled da planes, and den de russians marched into down de next day and dey gave me a medal for helping keep Yugoslavia Communist!

Jr Psych: Uh huh... (shakes it off, as if the preceding were his perception) well, welcome to Brussels, if you could just go into this delousing room, the doctor will see you shortly.

David: Doctor? To delouse me?

Jr. Psych: In here, soldier.

Pierre: He was just supposed to be deloused in Brussels-

David: Before, when dey took my clothes and dat blanket.

Jr. Psych: I don't remember any blanket.

Pierre: Instead, he was detained in an...institution of some sort-

David: Wait. On dis blanket, was dis medal.

Jr. Psych: Yeah, I know, from the Yugolsavian Guerilla Underground.

David: From de Russian General. It's not too much of a medal, you know.

Pierre: In this institution, David believes he recieved electroshock therapy.

Jr. Psych: Just relax now, soldier, sit back, breathe, count back from 100. 99. 98. 97. 9-

Brit: six weeks in the infirmary, mate, Jerry'll shoot a dozen of us for every escape, don't fuck off and make

WAVES AT THE CROWD, HE WAVES AT THE TROOPS, THE MADNESS IS OVER! IT'S VICTORY! LOOKS LIKE WE KICKED YOUR ARAYAN BE-HIND THIS TIME, JERRY! WHILE YOUR CHICKEN SHIT PRETTY BOYS EAT MUD, OUR FRENCH CANADIANS ARE GOING HOME ON THE GOOD SHIP BON PASTEUR, HAVING SAVED THE WORLD FOR DEMOCRA

see, we have no choice but to waive your veterans benefits due to lack of-

and this is General Checkov and this is General Gutenov, (takes own medal, pins it on David) we are very grateful to you for what you hef done on this day-

VID! DAVID! SNAP OUT OF IT, HAMEL!

David: How did I get to England?

BRIT: SOLDIER, PLEASE MOVE ALONG ONTO THE SHIP, YOU MUST-

understand that there just isn’t any record of any medal, however you have been invited for tea with the King and queen this thursday AT NINE

A.M., HERE’S YOUR TICKET, YOU’LL BE THIRD CLASS, YOU CAN CHECK YOUR BAGGAGE WITH THE PORTER, AND THANK YOU FOR TRAVELLING CN, SIR...SIR?

German: Sir? Vat are you looking at?

Pierre: One incident David likes to recount, is that immediately after the war, uh, after meeting with the King and Queen, and sailing home, he was riding a train to Montreal, when he noticed some well dressed teutonic gentlemen who were travelling first class.

David: What da ‘ell is dat? A diamond?

Helmut: Uh, diamonds? vas is das diamonds? I hef none of zis diamonds. Vat are you doing in first class? (pushing button)

David: I know who you are. Paying your way wit gold, while keeping de diamonds in your pockets. Where did de gold come from? De Jews you killed? Prisoners in de camps? I bet you give peanuts to my government to buy your way into de country.

Porter: I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to exit first class-

David: (as he's getting hauled) Why do de Canadian soldiers ride in tird class, eh?!

Pierre: … oh… yes… One important point to make, though.… uh… where was I… ah, He enlisted again, into the army reserves, stationed in Wainright Alberta, when in 1954:

NEWSREEL: OUR BOYS MARCH TO SETTLE CIVIL STRIFE! The war has moved inwards, as a new generation of teenaged young offenders threatens the stability of our entire social structure. NOT SO FAST, ZOOTIE! THE Wainright ARMED RESERVE ROLL INTO EDMONTON TO QUELL THIS THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY - THE ZOOT SUITER!

Zoot Suiter: Zit zow, the man is getting me down. zit zimminy zow zow... gimmee some drugs... gimmee some jazz ... hibbidy dibbidy dow.. Zim zim zam zooey za!

Soldier: You! Morally bereft young person! Clear out!

People: Hooray!!!!

NEWSREEL: IT'S A PARADE! AFTER THE UNPLEASANTNESS, THOUSANDS OF PROUD EDMONTONIANS GIVE THE BOYS A ROYAL SEND-OFF!

Nora: (distorted voice): Excuse me.

David: I am sorry?

Nora Thank you.

David: (whispering to parents): Why is your daughter in a wheelchair?

Dad: She has cerebral palsy. She wants to thank you.

David: ( to Nora) It is my ... duty.

Nora: Thank you.

David: (he touches her cheek) I’ll see you again.

Pierre: And David did see her again. In fact, they became pen pals for many years, and they would visit one another. During one of these visits-

David: I will take care of you! I will build you a 'ome! I will give you my name.

Nora: Yes David.

David: I will find a cure for you. Maybe if I do dis... I will seddle down a liddle.

Pierre: They was a lot of laughter in the maple Ridge house, and the two lived well and without incident, until ...

Slide: OCTOBER 21, 1975

Heckler: Finally!

JOHN-BOY: We all have a dream of the future when we are young, one that we strive to reach and, eventually, even obtain. My dream on Walton's Mountain, in Maple Ridge B.C. was to build a house for my wife Nora. I remember one fall-

David: Whas wrong wit de TV?

John Boy: -when Nora & I were pleasantly living out our lives together.

David: Hey! Stop doing dat! Damn TV!

David: OK, who da ‘ell is dat? Nora, you hear dat?

A: Do not be afraid, David.

David: Oh shit.

A: We don’t want to shock you.

David: You speak do me droo neural delepaty - hey, I don't know what dat is… but I do!

A: We would like to take you aboard our craft. Will you come?

David: Why de’ ‘ell not, eh?

David: Oh whoa whoa.

A: Do not be afraid.

David: Whoa.

A: You're going to be alright.

David: Ay yay, de ceiling! Oh (He goes through) Hey, I wonder if dat glass wool insulation I put up ‘ere has settled too much. Oh, no, it’s just fine, eh? Damn. It’s a nice night. Dat’s one big spaceship up dere. Dis is kinda fun, eh.

A: Welcome, David. I am A. This is On, our engineer, and Arkan, my husband. We would like to show you something.

A: We are from, Kladen, David, a planet on the other side of the sun, and in perfect balance with the Earth. Earth people are putting Kladen in danger. With the generators you employ. Releasing energy by consuming mass creates a void. You are putting your own planet in danger, as well. Please, do not be alarmed. We are here to help. Remember what you see and listen to what you hear.

RC1: He said that their ship was constructed with huge metal cones, whose large ends went down into the lower rim of the ship.

David: Dis is like some big angel food cake pan, eh?

A: In this arrangement, the cones are superimposed on top of each other, supported by a magnetic field.

David: And dose dere, dem Balls and pinions keep de cones in place?

A: Very good. The vibration you feel, David is caused by the energy generation setup that powers the ship.

Pierre: Put simply, the large cones within cones wobbled at high speed.

A: The moving parts are made to be in a continually unballanced position.

David: What makes de light in dis ship?

A: These magnets create the light by working with one another.

David: Magnets, eh?

A: This power source is available throughout the universe. It’s a power Earth people don’t make good use of.

RC1: So then, they take him to the outer rim of the vessel where he could see these, uh, openings... which he called...

David: Breeders.

A: When in an atmosphere, these breathing holes pull air in and out , and create a flow along the cones. After moving through the cones, the air is ionized...

Pierre: That is to say, it’s atoms were being stripped of a portion of their

A: electrons so that they become a stream of charged particles.

Pierre: How do we describe this process? It somehow involves magnetism. Can we describe it as magnetic levitation?

NEWSREEL: A crack team of British and Belgian scientists announced today that the two nations have been working tirelessly together to answer the age old question: "Is it possible to levitate a frog with a gigantic magnet."

RC1: He says the ship's propulsion involved a small ball of weight that rolled in a

A: restricted space in a circular movement

David: Like it's always falling, eh..

A: Constantly seeking equilibrium. The disruption of equilibrium is caused by the unbalanced movement of the magnetic part at the upper part of the cones. Do you understand, David?

David: A butterfly above a magnetic field!

Pierre: Now, Mr. Hamel is not an engineer, he is a carpenter, and he does not know the technical terms for the things he saw, so he uses a kind of code to explain the new concepts he is using. Part of the challenge for an engineer such as myself is to understand how his poetic descriptions translate to the language of engineering.

A: Within every living thing is a natural magnetic field.

British: What my colleagues and I have found is that when a living body, such as this frog, is placed above an enormous magnetic field, the body’s natural magnetic field will reverse at an atomic level, which results in a kind of anti-gravity effect.

Frog: Ribbit.

A: The movements of the cones in our craft create an electro-gravitational field that causes the ship to lose the expected connection with gravity.

David: De weight is neutralized, eh?

A: The ship’s movement can be stopped and controlled immediately simply with a snare pulling a ball out of rotation. Do you understand, David?

David: Weight into speed.

A: Artifacts for creating this technology are available on Earth, given to you thousands of years ago. Wonders of your past civilizations. They are all over your planet. It’s up to you to revive these ideas.

David: Me? Alone?

A: Perhaps not alone.

Charlton Heston: Coming up next on The Mystery of The Sphinx, take a unique look at the mysterious Face On Mars. Learn why it has been called The Martian Sphinx. I'm Charleton Heston. I know about all this because I played an archaeologist in a movie -and my daughter, played Stephanie Zimbalist, I don't know if it's Jr. or not, was possesed by a mummified Eyptian Princess. Freaky stuff.

A: You must understand, David, that as a species, the people of earth are using their remarkable intelligence for increasingly dangerous thoughts and pursuits.

Falwell: And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

A: My people posess technology, David, capable of interfering with the destructive and relatively primitive technologies used on Earth. But we do not interfere.

YUSUFALI: What is the matter, that the people place not their hope for kindness and long-suffering in Allah,-

A: We did not come to earth to shut down your generators and satallites, though they pollute the atmosphere and surrounding space.

Falwell: And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

A: We want you to learn from your mistakes.

YUSUFALI: "And every time I have called to them, that Thou Allah mightest forgive them, they have (only) thrust their fingers into their ears, grown obstinate, and given themselves up to arrogance.

A; We can assist humanity only if we’re asked to help. We cannot violate the universal spiritual law of non-interference.

HECKLER: OH BEAUUUUTIFUL! THE ALIENS FOLLOW THE PRIME DIRECTIVE-

Falwell: And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.

A: And there is the recycling of the planet, David.

A: Planets do that occassionally after so many thousands of years. This will happen to Earth after the second sun comes between your sun and the planet.

David: Merde.

A: David, remember this, we are all one, interconnected. We are all made of the same substance.

Professor: The ancient greeks, of course, describe a mysterious substance that they believed to be common to all living things. We have been unable to directly translate this word into English.

A: There is a whole field of knowlege which your people seem unable to comprehend. This must come into widespread awareness.

David: But why me?

A: Look below the craft.

David: Hey, dat looks like in de Nort' in Ontario, eh?

A: Memorize this place. You will find ample supplies of Granite in the ground beneath that cabin. Do you see that man, the one with the yolk?

That man, who lives there now, will die soon from another heart attack.

David: But why me?

Falwell: And the Lord sayeth unto Noah:

A: We want to prepare you so that you can build a ship to elevate people away from the planet during the recycling time that is sure to come. (Pause)

Psych: I personally would suggest that Mr. Hamel was under a television-induced hypnotic state, compounded by the possibility of a flashback from the electroshock or drug therapy in 1947 coupled with a profound need to ascribe meaning to his life and a healthy capacity for paranoia.

David: People are going to think I’ve gone nuts.

Nora: David?

A: But now we’re taking you back.

Nora: David?

Psych: His imagination ran away with him in this hypnotic state, and he experienced a manifestation of the benevolent authority figure archetype, which imparted unto him secret knowledge that would allow him to help save the world through peaceful means, thereby aleviating the guilt he felt from his time in the war, when we has trying to save the world through violence.

Nora: David?

David: Nora, I'm gonna nee' me a lot of magnets.

Nora: David?

David: Did you saw dem come out of de TeeVee?

Nora: Who?

David: De ladee and de man wit da beard. De ones who float me troo de ceiling. De new insulation is fine, by de way. Tomorrow I’m gonna quit my job.

Waitress: (chewing gum) Hello, David. Usual cup of coffee with your lunch?

David: Yes, tank you.

Waitress: Hey, I heard you quit your job this morning. What’s up with that, eh?

David: I got bigger work to do.

Waitress: Oh yeah?

David: Can’t talk about it. Nobody will believe about last night.

Waitress: Tell me.

AD-MAN: HEY HEY! GET YOUR OWN COPY OF THE BOOK GRANITE MAN AND THE BUTTERFLY FOR ONLY 11.95 AT WWW.PROJECTMAGNET.COM.

Waitress: They want you to build a space ship?

David: You see? I told you no one would believe me.

Waitress: You know, David, I bring you lunch nearly every day, and I really like you, and I’d like to believe you, but then I’d have to replace all my long held beliefs with your new beliefs, and, well...

Hello? Gazette? Could I speak with Glen Kask?

Glen: Hello, Mr. Hamel? My name is Glen Kask with the Maple Ridge Gazette.

NEWSREEL: INTRODUCING DAVID HAMEL - HE RIDES IN FLYING SAUCERS!

Glen: No need to be suspicious, Mr. Hamel, I'll write with sensitivity.

NEWSREEL: HAMEL IS CONVINCED OF THE REALITY OF HIS EXPERIENCE, AND LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH AUTHORITIES HAVE NO RECORD WHICH MIGHT CAST DOUBT ON HIS SANITY!

Leonard: Hello, brother Hamel. My name is Leonard, I was once a priest. I read about you, and I think I can help. I'd like us to start a company. I'll sell shares. You can trust me.

David: Well, maybe you can tell me what 'dis little ting is I dug outta my hand after de visit.

Leonard: Brother Hamel, my friend at the lab tells me it is microfilm. This is what the image blew up to reveal. For safety, I've put the original microfilm in a safety deposit box. I'll get you a key tomorrow. You can trust me.

Heckler: OH HOW CONVEEEENIENT! HE GAVE THE MICROFILM TO A SHYSTER! COME ON! THE ONE PIECE OF SOLID EVIDENCE, AND IT'S MYSTERIOUSLY LOCKED AWAY IN A SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX? GIMME A BREAK!

Nora: David?

David: I am so sorree, Nora. Dat priest, dat Leonard. He took … everyting, all de shares he sells, de microfilm... He is… gone.

HECKLER: OH, SO NOW THE MICROFILM CONVEEEEENIENTLY "DISAPPEARS"?

Nora: Oh, David.

David: I was stupid to have trusted him.

Nora: No.

David: What kind of business partner is an ex-priest who lives in a van? We still have about $65,000 from my pension. Maybe we will be okay. And look, I have dragged dese plant buds into de house.

Nora: No, David.

David: I will sweep dem outside right now.

Nora: David.

Pierre: Some mysterious buds began appearing all over the Hamel Household. We have never been able to fully determine their origin, but Nora has her ideas.

Nora: It's a sign.

David: A sign?

Nora: All will be beautiful.

David: Der is so much to do, Nora. And I am already now tinking dat I am crazy, eh? And dat I was asleep der in my chair, eh, during de Waltons. And dat I am now asleep. And and dat maybe you are in my dream, and dat dat maybe I am still...

Dog: Snar Snar Snar.

David: (whispering) Go away. Go away.

Dog: Snar Snar Snar.

David: Or dat I am still...

David: So why me? Why am I be de one dat must escape, and live, eh? And why am I de one dat has to build dat dat dat...dat goddamn ark, like den what am I gonna do, eh? go and gadder up de people two by two and den take dem on a goddamn ride trew space?, excuse me dis language, Nora, but I am am...

Nora: David.

David: How come dey took away my medal, Nora? It was just a wortless little ting.

Nora: Please.

David: What do I do?

Nora: Build.

NEWSREEL: 1976 And ROCKY SCORES A KNOCK-OUT WITH OSCAR! WAY TO GO, GERRY! I MEAN, SLUGGER!

Rock: I'm jussa Bum, I don know, I'm jussa Bum, adrien.

NEWSREEL: SOMETIMES THE LITTLE GUY DOES GET A BREAK!

Patent officer: (on phone) Mr. Hamel, we do not give away patents for (chuckle) perpetual motion engines. It is the policy of our office... it doesn't matter if you have the designs.

What's that? You built a prototype? In a 45 gallon steel barrel, with magnets all around inside. The cones you made from bicycle rims wobbled on their own, you say? I see. I'd like to send an officer down to see your … prototype.... You don't have it now? What happened to it, Mr. Hamel?

HECKLER: OH HOW CONVEEENIENT! ANOTHER PIECE OF PHYSICAL EVIDENCE, AND WHERE IS IT? OOOH, IT BLEW UUUUP!

Patent: Mr. Hamel, I told you, the patent office does not have a file for you… I know… Mr. Hamel please slow down… yes… yes I realize that, but even if you did mail it, we did not receive it. I see. You have improved designs...

Patent: And a second proto-type? No? What happened to this one?

RCMP: Excuse me, sir, I'm with the, uh, RCMP, and I'm gonna need to speak to you, eh? Pretty routine when, uh, someone causes a, uh, power outage over, uh, most of a voting district, eh? Uh, yer neighbors have been complaining.

Irate roto: Hello, mother fuckers! My fuckin' power is out again. It's my goddamned neighbour with his goddamned contraption again! So where in the hell is my god damned cock suckin' motherfuckin' whorin' slut fuckin god damned cock suckin motherfuckin service? Jesus, Christ, you aughtta try do what I do fer a fuckin' livin'!

RCMP: I don't want none of your neighbors hurting ya, eh, so I'se gotta talk to yas.

Patent: Now, this one … flew away, you say? Mr. Hamel.... You've got pictures?

HECKLER: OH COME ON! SO THE SECOND PROTOTYPE FLEW AWAY! AND ALL HE GOT WAS A PICTURE OF SOME LIGHT?

Pierre: Yes, well the power was out…

HECKLER: OH I SEE! THE POWER WAS OUT! HOW CONVEEEENIENT!

David: All dose magnets… this is very inconvenient… damn… Nora, I must build machine after machine after machine until I get it right. It's de only way I know how to do it.

Pierre: It was then, in the fall of 1977, that the people began to show up.

Pierre: He worked very hard, spending thousands of dollars from his pension.

David: Dis concrete! It is not right! I need de granite! Where will I get de granite?

Roti: Dear, Mr. Hamel, I read about you in the paper. I represent a metaphysical group in Ontario. Let me tell you, the lifestyle in Ontario is nothing short of … Utopian.

A: There is all the granite you need under this house. The owner will die soon of another heart attack.

Roti: If you agree to live with us in our commune in Ontario, you can continue your experiments in the peace of a community who understands.

LX: Change to:

David: Nora? I think we should move.

Nora: Yes, David.

Roti: Mr and Mrs. Hamel. You've been living with us now for a number of months, and well, life here in the metaphysical commune isn't exactly free. We have our expenses, if you get what I'm driving at.

David: As far as I can tell, you only invite us here to drive my truck. You go into down and scavenge food from dumpsters to feed de people 'ere. It's disgusting!

Roti: Well, fine, take your truck! We don't need your truck! We'll find our own truck!

David: Nora, I cannot believe dat life in de metaphysical commune did not work out. We will move nort. We must find de right place. Wit' de granite.

Widow: Hello?

David: I am de one dat called. About buying dis house here.

Widow: How did you say you knew about this house?

David: I saw it one time, when I was flying by.

Widow: Those damn pilots. Always buzz by so low…

David: (looking up) Dat .. dat .. Yoke up der. Hanging on de wall.

Widow: Yes, that belonged to my husband. May he rest in peace.

David: I'll buy de house, de furniture, and dat yoke der.

Widow: $25,000 dollars. Cash.

David: Good morning Nora.

Nora: Good morning.

David: Good, you are drinking the tea from the mysterious buds… I think it helps you, yes?

Nora: All will be beautiful.

David: I will be in the shed.

Pierre: David now lives in Northern Ontario at the house he saw from the, uh… spaceship. He is currently assembling his largest prototype. It is a granite Pyramid 10 feet in diameter, and has so far cost him thousands of dollars. It should be ready any time now, although he has had difficulty creating a machine this large, all parts must be custom machined, which is very expensive… and he has made mistakes.

David: MERDE!!!!

Pierre: But he continues on. I, however, have decided that this will be my last public appearance at one of these… conventions, until I have a working prototype that I can show you. I did have one fellow approach me about making de book into a play.

Wes: Allo! (waddles about, waving)

Pierre: But I don't know how he will be able to do that. So, in conclusion, I must ask this question: How can a simple carpenter who did not have an education beyond Grade 8, how can he be doing these experiments and saying these things he is saying?

In the last year, I have received e-mail from dozens of people...

American: From hotshot@aol.com I have built the first test model of Hamel spinner disc today, I use 8 ferrite magnets 25x5x40 mm magnetic poles inward mounted in 10 cm PVC cylinder. For the spinning device. I use my Levitron on a glass sheet ( it is a very frictionless 28 mm ring magnet mounted as a spinning top.

China: From X-Man@Umass.net - Thank's for your helpful informations. I have experimented your magnetic gate IT'S WORK AS YOU SAID !!!!, Wonderfull, I think that you are in a good way !!! I begin to understand the Hamel butterfly magnet now. I have put complete test report of this first magnetic gate on web server....You can distribute freely all these results if you want.

Nora: I believe you, David.

Nora: I believe you.

RC2: From: Bulldog@cnet.org
I have verified that the mechanical force on one side of the gate is stronger. HOWEVER !!! I have also noticed that the mechanical force on the "weak' side of the gate reaches further out than the force on the "strong" side. This is similar to discharging an electrical capacitor; 10 Amps for 1 second versus 1 Amp for 10 seconds. In both cases the discharged energy is the same. In reply to your question, no, I have not always been an independent researcher. Until 1975, I was a constable with the RCMP in British Columbia. P.S. How are your allergies?

Newsreel: British and Belgian scientists announced today they had succesfully

Newsreel: …Levitated a frog, using a giant electro-magnet…

LIGHTS DOWN.