Dear Toronto Star,
We couldn't help but notice that you quoted one of our songs on the front page of your fine newspaper the other day. You then went on to call us an obscure comedy troupe. How can we be obscure when we are on the front page of the most important paper in Canada!? We believe, in our minds, that we are more famous than oh, lets say Colm Feore, and hes playing Trudeau in a CBC movie for Gods sake!
Hey, thanks for the publicity, but we dont hate you. Sure, a lot of people in Canada do, but not us. However, if you want to know why Toronto is reviled across the country, we suggest you look no further than your own article.
"The Toronto Song" is just a wacky little tune about how narrow-minded our fellow Albertans can be. By the end of the song, we have gone from hating Toronto to hating every single province and territory in Canada, except Alberta, but including Calgary. You opened your article by quoting the song out of context and then suggesting that the Dead Trolls themselves dislike Toronto. If that isn't manipulating the facts in order to whine about being a victim, we don't know what is. We dont hate Toronto, we never did. We may hate certain reviewers in Toronto newspapers, but hell, so do most Torontonians.
Your article was essentially about the fact that your little world-class city wants some money. Hey, good for you. Go for it. Set up an online PayPal account and well throw in 50 bucks. Its the least we can do for all the obscurity youve brought us.
Once upon a time, we made the stupid mistake of opening our 5 episode CBC TV series with "The Toronto Song", and that pretty much kept our asses off TV for the last 11 years. We were reviewed positively by almost every major paper in Canada...except for three: The Toronto Star, The Toronto Sun, and The Globe and Mail. Your newspaper, in particular wrote that we were the worst thing the CBC has ever foisted on an unsuspecting public . And this was AFTER Mosquito Lake. More recently we brought our play, PileDriver! - about a troupe of gay professional wrestlers - to your town. The play somehow went from receiving 4-star reviews in Winnipeg and Edmonton to 1-star reviews in Toronto. And this was AFTER Mama Mia opened.
Thankfully, the internet has removed Toronto-centrism from the Canadian entertainment industry, and we currently sell a hell of a lot more CDs in the States and England than we do in Canada. We may be obscure, but weve had over 1.7 million downloads of our stuff from mp3.com and pocketed a fistful of digital electronic loonies without ever making it in Toronto.
Canadians (and Torontonians) are a pretty intelligent and self-effacing bunch. In fact, when we perform "The Toronto Song" in Ontario, the audiences understand that the song is satirizing xenophobic Albertans, not them (except for one show in London, when a college audience threw creamers at us). If youre going to complain about how much everybody hates you, dont use us as your example. We think youre kinda cute Toronto, albeit in an overly-dramatic-tragic-hero kinda way.
Wes Borg, Neil Grahn, Joe Bird
Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie